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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25629010">pepper pussy gang</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/QuillsandPens/pseuds/QuillsandPens'>QuillsandPens</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Voltron: Legendary Defender</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/F, M/M, Mutual Pining, groupchat fic, ugh this is a mess</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 10:02:08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,903</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25629010</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/QuillsandPens/pseuds/QuillsandPens</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>queenshit: say sike rn…</p><p>queenshit: just thinking about listening to them pine for eternity… makes me wanna chug 37 monsters and die of heart failure</p><p>imnot6: you should try to make it an even forty bitch</p><p>queenshit: hurts</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Allura/Nyma (Voltron), Keith/Lance (Voltron)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>33</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. mr infante can suck my cock and balls</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>this is so mf stupid LMAOOO</p><p>lance = bruhmoment<br/>
pidge = purntpridges<br/>
hunk= sweetums<br/>
allura = queenshit<br/>
shiro = imnot6<br/>
keith = kith4keith</p><p>sweetums: keith what classes did we have sophomore year of hs</p><p>kith4keith: whats it to ya</p><p>sweetums: Answer the question.</p><p>kith4keith: psych, art, math, u had chem i had forensics, pe, english, and human geo</p><p>sweetums: thank uuu</p><p>purntpridges: omg forensics.. i miss it</p><p>bruhmoment: that class decreased my stress levels by 900000% </p><p>queenshit: for some reason i feel like there wasnt a lot of learning happening in that class</p><p>kith4keith: we learnt plenty. forensic files is a valid educational source tyvm</p><p>queenshit: oh brother</p><p>sweetums: i cant believe i was stuck in fucking chemistry </p><p>bruhmoment: hunk we thought about u everyday dont worry bb</p><p>sweetums: &lt;3</p><p>purntpridges: remember when lance would distract ms. sanda by gossiping with her during videos so keith could finish his math hw in class</p><p>kith4keith: u mean do i remember lance doing smth nice for me? yes ofc i do</p><p>queenshit: lance voice: yeah i dont remember that </p><p>bruhmoment: yeah i dont remember that</p><p>bruhmoment: WTFFF HOW DID U TYPE THAT FASTER THAN ME U HAD MORE WORDS</p><p>queenshit: its just my queenshit manifesting. u jabronies wouldnt get it</p><p>imnot6: please shut the fuck up</p><p>purntpridges: lmao</p><p>imnot6: i need to turn this assignment in at 1:59 and i will NOT let u idiots stop me</p><p>sweetums: u mean 11:59?</p><p>imnot6: my prof said, and i quote, “i hope u guys fall asleep before the turn in time”</p><p>purntpridges: u mean deadline</p><p>imnot6: im gonna have matt rub his fingers all over ur glasses when u sleep if u keep it up katie</p><p>kith4keith: aw shiro r u rushing?</p><p>imnot6: dont</p><p>kith4keith: is it bc u procrastinated :(</p><p>imnot6: im turning my phone off to avoid further questioning</p><p>bruhmoment: wait shiro b4 u leave i need to say something</p><p>imnot6: what is it</p><p>bruhmoment: maybe if u managed ur time properly u wouldnt be in this mess :^)</p><p>imnot6: bye.</p><p>queenshit: SKDJAKSK</p><p>sweetums: LANCENF</p><p>purntpridges: i KNOW that hurt</p><p>(private chat)</p><p>kith4keith: tfw ur mans who isnt ur mans helps u pick on ur stupid brother &lt;3</p><p>purntpridges: tfw ur mans who isnt ur mans &lt;3</p><p>kith4keith: shut up u slut</p><p>purntpridges: everytime u text me its about lance</p><p>purntpridges: what happened to the important stuff! what happened to the joint smurf fic! i miss her!!</p><p>kith4keith: its YOUR turn to update</p><p>purntpridges: oh shit lol</p><p>(private chat)</p><p>bruhmoment: guess who had the best day ever today &lt;333</p><p>sweetums: was it pidge</p><p>bruhmoment: why would it be pidge</p><p>sweetums: made her slutty brownies today</p><p>bruhmoment: WITHOUT ME??? </p><p>sweetums: maybe if u were HERE instead of thirsting over keith u would have some :/</p><p>bruhmoment: this is bullying and also biphobic</p><p>bruhmoment: he was just… so hot 2day</p><p>bruhmoment: could drown in those eyes</p><p>sweetums: then do it</p><p>bruhmoment: stop CLOWNING me</p><p>one loudass waterbottle later</p><p>queenshit: i hate these bitches</p><p>sweetums: lmao which one texted u this time</p><p>queenshit: literally both of them @ the same time</p><p>purntpridges: allura my heart goes out 2 u for having to deal with both sides of the same clown coin</p><p>queenshit: why doesnt ANYONE ELSE GET BOTH THEIR RANTS</p><p>purntpridges: thats life when ur the hottest one in the group</p><p>sweetums: im too close to lance for keith to confide in that with me and pidge is to close to keith for lance to confide in that with her</p><p>sweetums: ur an amazing middle ground allura</p><p>queenshit: and what happens when i die</p><p>purntpridges: thats if u die</p><p>queenshit: say sike rn…</p><p>queenshit: just thinking about listening to them pine for eternity… makes me wanna chug 37 monsters and die of heart failure</p><p>imnot6: you should try to make it an even forty bitch</p><p>queenshit: hurts</p><p>purntpridges: shiro what happened to ur assignment</p><p>imnot6: i got bored :/</p><p>sweetums: i cant believe anyone thinks ur mature. u literally hang out with a bunch of teens</p><p>purntpridges: yeah and lets not forget that ur like six</p><p>imnot6: USER</p><p>queenshit: yes takashi shirogane aka user imtotally6</p><p>imnot6: i cant believe anyone thinks u guys r nice</p><p>sweetums: I AM NICE</p><p>queenshit: lmao lance sent me those screenshots hunk, we know better</p><p>sweetums: u tell a guy to drown ONCE,,,,</p><p>pepper pussy gang</p><p>kith4keith: wait hunk why did u ask about my classes</p><p>sweetums: u mean our classes </p><p>bruhmoment: i cant believe u had all those classes with hunk… i had one single class with him that year</p><p>sweetums: i was just thinking about that first year we met and i couldnt remember one of them and it was bothering me</p><p>queenshit: was it pe</p><p>sweetums: i WISH it was pe</p><p>sweetums: that class will forever be burnt into my mind bc of that stupid rivalry</p><p>kith4keith: thats such a distant memory now…</p><p>bruhmoment: an iconic moment of our friendship</p><p>imnot6: yeah right u thought u guys hated each other all sophomore year and half of junior year</p><p>queenshit: if u bitches ever dare pulling that shit again ur kicked out of the group and im not letting u take any hits off my pen</p><p>bruhmoment: U WOULDNT</p><p>purntpridges: i hate it here</p><p>kith4keith: rt allura thats so mean</p><p>kith4keith: what am i supposed to do? smoke my weed with a bong?? wait actually</p><p>sweetums: keith this isnt th lettuce gc shut up</p><p>imnot6: cant believe my brothers a stoner</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. ferb knows where the clit is</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>imnot6: we mostly text about animal restaurant but occasionally we have actual conversations outside the groupchat</p>
<p>bruhmoment: believe it or not i am able to hold mature conversations</p>
<p>sweetums: so whats officially groupchat business</p>
<p>bruhmoment: whether phineas knows where the clit is</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>pepper pussy gang</p>
<p>bruhmoment: shiro this is officially groupchat business</p>
<p>imnot6: it doesnt have to be, if y would just listen to reason</p>
<p>bruhmoment: YOU NEED TO LISTEN TO REASON</p>
<p>kith4keith: the way i didnt even know u guys texted each other</p>
<p>purntpridges: yeah this is a dynamic i was not expecting</p>
<p>imnot6: we mostly text about animal restaurant but occasionally we have actual conversations outside the groupchat</p>
<p>bruhmoment: believe it or not i am able to hold mature conversations</p>
<p>sweetums: so whats officially groupchat business</p>
<p>bruhmoment: whether phineas knows where the clit is</p>
<p>queenshit: WHATSNDNCJ</p>
<p>sweetums: idek what i expected from you</p>
<p>kith4keith: lance why are u talking to my brother… about clits</p>
<p>imnot6: its stimulating conversation</p>
<p>purntpridges: this is the most terrible thing to happen to this groupchat ever</p>
<p>bruhmoment: phineas doesnt know where the clit is but ferb does</p>
<p>imnot6: THAT MAKES NO SENSE!!!</p>
<p>imnot6: THEY ARE BOTH CHILD GENIUSES YHEY WOULD BOTH KNOW WHERE IT IS</p>
<p>bruhmoment: A GENIUS DOES NOT A CLIT FINDER MAKE</p>
<p>bruhmoment: phineas def gets too cocky and thinks he knows everything. hes prob just stickin his thang in there and thinking its just as good for the girl as it is for him</p>
<p>queenshit: hmmm i agree with lance</p>
<p>queenshit: phineas is the kind of guy to get off between her boobs and ask if she came</p>
<p>kith4keith: ALLURA</p>
<p>queenshit: what? ferb would know how to treat me i know it for a fact</p>
<p>sweetums: well if were getting into it </p>
<p>sweetums: phineas is just too smart to not know where the clit is</p>
<p>sweetums: he has def built a vibe for isa before</p>
<p>imnot6: i only know hunk garrett</p>
<p>purntpridges: yeah sry but no i know way too many stem guys</p>
<p>purntpridges: every single stem guy ive met def gives off “idk where the clit is” vibes</p>
<p>kith4keith: pls…. i am Begging yall to stop</p>
<p>queenshit: grow up keith</p>
<p>kith4keith: wh</p>
<p>sweetums: that implies that ferb also does not know where the clit is bc hes also a stem guy</p>
<p>purntpridges: ferb is the only exception</p>
<p>(private chat)</p>
<p>kith4keith: hey</p>
<p>bruhmoment: whats up bro</p>
<p>kith4keith: bro???</p>
<p>bruhmoment: yah?</p>
<p>kith4keith: im not calling u bro back im questioning why u even called me bro in the first place</p>
<p>bruhmoment: oh sorry</p>
<p>bruhmoment: whats up babe, you beautiful sexy boy who sets my heart and my loins aflame</p>
<p>bruhmoment: that better?</p>
<p>kith4keith: lmao</p>
<p>kith4keith: wanna get mcdonalds ?</p>
<p>bruhmoment: are we gonna go on ur cool ass bike?</p>
<p>kith4keith: we will now</p>
<p>bruhmoment: FUCK YESSSSS</p>
<p>bruhmoment: no mcflurries tho</p>
<p>kith4keith: stop talking to shiro &gt;:(</p>
<p>(private chat)</p>
<p>[attached picture]</p>
<p>bruhmoment: lmao :))))))</p>
<p>queenshit: LMAODIKDDK. he prob didnt know what to say</p>
<p>queenshit: maybe u flustered him and he was to busy trying not to blush to respond in a less cold way</p>
<p>bruhmoment: thats an oddly specific scenario…</p>
<p>queenshit: my mind is vast like that</p>
<p>(private chat)</p>
<p>(attached image)</p>
<p>kith4keith: BEAUTIFUL SEXY BOY </p>
<p>queenshit: ur such a mess</p>
<p>kith4keith: i cant even be bothered by ur teasing… i set his loins aflame</p>
<p>kith4keith: too bad he was just joking</p>
<p>queenshit: (clenches fist) baka…</p>
<p>kith4keith: shut up weeb</p>
<p>queenshit: bully me again, see what happens</p>
<p>kith4keith: pack it up ryota !</p>
<p>queenshit: LITERALLY HOW DARE YOU IM OBVIOUSLY MARY OR PRESIDENT</p>
<p>pepper pussy gang</p>
<p>queenshit: hey y’all… how y’all doin</p>
<p>kith4keith: pls allura im heggin</p>
<p>queenshit: oh ur heggin? good 2 know</p>
<p>queenshit: hunk keith is the one who vomited in ur shoes that one time</p>
<p>kith4keith: BEGGING I MEANT BEGGING PLLSSSSS</p>
<p>sweetums: THAT WAS YOU???? I BLAMED SHIRO FOR THAT</p>
<p>sweetums: I WOULD BRING COOKIES TO UR HOUSE AND NOT LET HIM EAT ANY FOR LIKE A MONTH AFTER THAT</p>
<p>sweetums: UR TELLING ME IT WAS YOU WHO NEEDED TO BE BANNED ????</p>
<p>imnot6: hahahahaha keith… u are a dead man :)</p>
<p>imnot6: im going to rip you limb from limb</p>
<p>imnot6: u deprived me of cookies… for a MONTH… i hate u with every single atom of my body rn</p>
<p>kith4keith: shiro pls u have to understand the stress i was under</p>
<p>purntpridges: rip keith &lt;3 fly high angel</p>
<p>bruhmoment: FLASH EULOGY</p>
<p>bruhmoment: Keith was definitely there sometimes. whether he was breathing, sharpening his knife,... uh… eating? think he did that. anyway, whether he was doing any of those things there were def people around him while he did it. i think thats beautiful. follow me on insta @lonce</p>
<p>queenshit: touching</p>
<p>kith4keith: ur not going to be anywhere near my funeral </p>
<p>bruhmoment: its fine ive always wanted to crash a funeral anyway</p>
<p>queenshit: oh and another thing </p>
<p>kith4keith: im so sick and tired of living where is shiro when i need him to kill me</p>
<p>queenshit: keith originally grew his hair long to do raccoon tails he told me one night while i was braiding it</p>
<p>purntpridges: DOUBLE WHAMMY</p>
<p>sweetums: ALLURA U ARE MY IDOL</p>
<p>bruhmoment: keith now that i know allura braids ur hair there is literally no way im gonna allow for ur hair to go unbraided by me. ever</p>
<p>(private chat) </p>
<p>imnot6: any excuse to be able to pull his hair huh</p>
<p>bruhmoment: i have literally no idea what ur talking about mr s&amp;m</p>
<p>imnot6: imagine if anyone saw our pm’s</p>
<p>bruhmoment: keith would die on the spot i think</p>
<p>imnot6: speaking of</p>
<p>imnot6: saw him go out on his bike. know anything bout that?</p>
<p>bruhmoment: r u implying that i suggested he take his bike when he offered to take me to mcdonalds bc i think hes hot on his bike? bc then i would have no idea what u were talking about</p>
<p>imnot6: pls bone him already im so sick and tired of this cat and mouse</p>
<p>bruhmoment: ill bone him when he wants to bone me sir </p>
<p>imnot6: HE DOES I SWEAR HE DOES PLS LISTEN TO ME</p>
<p>bruhmoment: sry whats that? i gtg theres this cute guy on a motorcycle outside my apartment im gonna say hi to him</p>
<p>imnot6: ill never be free of this hell</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>keith and allura r talking about kakegurui if u were confused. <br/>also i think its supremely funny that lance, resident virgin energy and shiro, resident old man talk about sex stuff. thats all bye</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>this will have more chapters!!! im just an idiot and idk how to make it a multichapter oops. if someone could oh so kindly explain in the comments 🥺</p><p>so they r all fresh college bbs except for shiro hes a grad student and allura is a single year older than the three idiots and pidge. hope u found this funny if u didnt then idk go cry about it lol.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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